A Quiet Weekend (the best kind)

It's been one of those rare weekends where I've had the house (mostly) to myself. This might not seem so unusual what with 2 young adult children living at home and having their own busy lives but Saturday mornings often find us all here whether sleeping in or not. But this weekend Larry went on the men's fishing trip (and lived to tell about it, canoe tipover notwithstanding and 4 trout to show for it); Charlene was off to her summer Creative Writing course at the SFU Surrey campus (yes, she's loving it) & Brendan stayed overnight at his cousin's. 

So Saturday morning rolls around and I'm in the house. By myself. And I cleaned. Seriously. Why is cleaning so much more enjoyable when no one's around? I know I'm not alone in this perspective. Most women I know love it when their spouses/kids/whoever take off on Saturday so they have time to putter and do whatever. Maybe it's also because, if you're lucky, you'll get a couple of hours' enjoyment of a clean house before they all clutter their way back in again. And yes, now that Larry's home from his fishing trip, my clean floor no longer looks so spotless. But he survived the dunking in a very cold lake and doesn't seem to be any the worse for wear, so that's all good.


But then, after my cleaning spree ended, I had time to work on a project that I've been saving up for quite a few years. I got the idea of making a memory quilt from a friend of mine and so for the last number of years (say roughly 10 years), I've been saving Brendan's t-shirts from all his volleyball years (he played club volleyball from about Gr. 6 to Gr. 11), his Stillwood camp shirts (he worked summers there for about 6 years) and whatever else might also have been inadvertently saved. With his wedding coming up in December, it seemed now was the appropriate time to haul them out of the closet and actually get started on this bucket list project.


 It was quite the trip down memory lane: 

One of his camp t-shirts from an early year,

 The summer he qualified for the BC Summer Games volleyball team for the Fraser Valley (couldn't quite get the "F" and the "Y" in but oh well...)

The year he qualified to play for Team BC (that was a highlight year but too bad the year's not written on there. I'm thinking it was about 2006??)

 And then of course, the ubiquitous No. 12 shirt that was always his number

 and the reason his camp nickname was ...(wait for it)

DOZEN!!

I had enough of those No. 12's to put around the border and I'm really happy with how it turned out. It's not quite finished but close enough (and here I thought it would be summer-long project). 

Speaking of bucket lists, summer is a good time for crossing them off your list so I'm very happy that I'm actually doing another one this summer. You all know that Larry & I often go to Regent College to take in their public lectures (May to July mostly) and one of the things they also offer in the summer, which I've always wistfully looked at but never signed up for (who knows why it took so long) is their summer prayer retreat.  Susan Phillips is leading this one and she's one of their regular summer speakers I try to not to miss (sociology & spiritual formation/discipline - what a great combination!) So Kim & I are signed up - anyone else care to join us?

What's on your bucket list that you'd like to get to this summer? It's only the beginning of June - lots of time. Here's to a happy crossing-off summer!

Manners & Mores

This was our May book club selection, suggested by Charlene, as a hopefully more positive classic than the one we tackled last summer - Wuthering Heights (which was unanimously panned by all who stuck with the whole thing). So yes, this one was a resounding "like" and most of us would read another novel by Edith Wharton.

The book nuances upper-class New York society manners and the confines of living in a society where subtlety colored everything. There's really not much innocence to be had by anyone. Not much is said but much is inferred, mostly cruel unspokenness. 

As much as this type of society does not hold any attraction to us, we did have a great discussion over manners and such and even how those have changed in our lifetimes. Some of the things we bemoaned:

- The lack of distinction in what we wear for different occasions. We now wear the exact same thing to work that we wear to church that we wear to the beach that we wear to graduation ceremonies that we wear to...wherever. When I was conducting job interviews last summer, I was often astounded at what people would wear to a job interview. Really? Doesn't their mom or wife or husband or someone give them a clue as to what's appropriate, that first impressions do matter? But then again, we've grown up in a society where yoga pants are de rigeur for every occasion and where pastors mostly dress down on a Sunday morning too. So why do we expect anything different from our offspring and why are we surprised that they argue with us over what's appropriate to wear?

- On this same topic of dress, while lauding the fact that we have a more casual society in which dress isn't seen as a class distinction any more, we also agreed that our sons/husbands/brothers do look nice when they dress less casually and conversely, those same guys notice when we wear dresses. So, how's that for a conundrum? When Brendan has to do student teaching practicums, he has a dress code for what to wear in the classroom, which is a good thing. For one thing, he's not that many years out of high school himself and so it sets a tone that he's not a peer to those he's teaching. For another, I think when you dress professionally, you also act more professionally. Important, don't you think? Or do you act the same way no matter what you're wearing?

- Another area where lack of knowledge is evident is how to properly use a knife and fork. (I know, we can get into some rabbit trails at book club but that's half the fun!) Most in our group were raised in Mennonite homes and we did not learn the same table etiquette that our British friends take for granted. We tend to "shovel" our food (no offense to parents intended because they were never taught either!) I've actually asked my sister-in-law to teach me how to properly hold a knife & fork because I'm aware that I don't do it right (and being left-handed prompts a whole 'nother set of problems but that's beside the point). Maybe in the whole scheme of things, none of this is that important but I've also been at high-class occasions where I surreptitiously watch the host/hostess to make sure I'm not using the wrong utensil or where to place my knife and fork when I'm done, etc. and it would be nice to be more secure in how to handle oneself on those occasions, rare as they are.

Society changes. I get that but not all of it is positive. The loss of manners seems rather superficial but it's probably more instrumental in the erosion of our treatment of one another than one might first suspect. But maybe we can take back some lost ground. Any "amen's" to that or are you glad these things don't matter any more?

Honest/Liar Dichotomy

We went to the last play of our season pass at Pacific Theatre yesterday and had a great chance to interact with the cast members afterwards and hear a bit about what life is like for them as actors. Most fascinating.

One lady told us that her parents sat her down before she was about to write her LSAT's to get into law school and said, "we think you're making a mistake. You need to go into acting". How appropriate that on this Mother's Day, I can give homage to this mom & dad for encouraging their daughter to go into something that most of us would be telling our offspring to run away from. Others told of having supportive spouses with "gainful employment" that allow them to do this thing they love and yet others spoke of cobbling a living together from a number of avenues but acting is what makes all of them come alive. While acting feeds their souls, it can also exact an emotional/personal toll which the youngest cast member yesterday said she's not sure she's willing to sacrifice and is somewhat at a crossroads because of it.

Actors are a unique group of people and I'm not sure I was totally aware of the tension they have to live with. When playing difficult characters especially, somehow they have to find the resource deep within themselves to portray that accurately and believably. But neither do they want the character they're portraying to become part of them so they also can (or need to) become good liars.  They were in unanimous agreement that theatre is the safest place to become vulnerable. And that a noticeable improvement in one actor's work came about because of a decision to be more honest in everyday life (hold that thought).

When asked how much a role the audience plays for them when they're on stage, they all lit up. They feed off the audience's reaction, which is why every show can be different, They love the instant feedback of live theatre and in the small confines of PT's stage, they get it in spades. 

I thought about the parallel to our church services and while those on stage on a Sunday morning aren't acting and they're not supposed to be doing it as a show per se, still, they're trying to get the congregation involved and become active participants rather than just passive watchers. So, how do you approach Sunday mornings? Do you go intending to participate or do you sit back, arms crossed (figuratively, if not literally) and say, "see what you can do to get me into this today?" And what about the honesty/liar dichotomy? How much are we "acting" when we come to church Sunday mornings? How much honesty are we willing to let surface or do we keep people at a distance, becoming pretty good liars ourselves in the process? 

Admittedly, some Sundays it's easier to get "into" worship and for a myriad of reasons, but how many of us can say church is the most safe place where we can be vulnerable? Ouch. But this discussion has challenged me to try to be more honest with my worship, which cuts both ways - days when I may be feeling more like a lament than like praise but perhaps a smile once in a while when I sing would be in order (baby steps, folks, baby steps). Not because the beat is catchy or so that the team on stage can feed off of it but because the God I'm worshipping is worthy of my honest emotion.

Classics and love interests

For something completely different (but still book-related), my reading world has expanded a bit recently because of Charlene's move back home.  She and the daughter-in-law of one of the other moms have joined our bookclub and I have to say, these two young adult women, who both studied English Lit certainly have a broad base of literature and opinions that challenge and bring insight to characters that often escape me. It's great!

We like to read classics now and then and got into a bit of a discussion last month whether we wanted to put Emma or Pride and Prejudice onto the list. And that developed into a bit of jostling over who was the better love interest - Mr. Darcy of PandP or Mr. Knightly of Emma. Speaking for myself, I  only know these characters from the movie, unfortunately, not the books and being the book snob that I am, books are always waaay better than the movie (character development, inner world processes of the protagonist, etc). And I picked the most innocuous book covers I could find because most of us think of Colin Firth, Emma Thompson, Keira Knightly, Gwyneth Paltrow etc when we think of these characters and so our view of them are shaped by how they're portrayed in the movie - which is the director's (and actor's) take on the character.

It's been a very long time since I've seen either of these movies and really can't remember much about either of the two gentlemen in question. But I did recently read Death Comes to Pemberly by P.D. James, a British mystery author. She's an Austen fan herself and sets a murder into the PandP group of characters in this most recent book.

 So, I got to meet Mr. Darcy through James' eyes and I had to wonder, really? This is what he's like? What's with so many women (young or old) thinking Darcy's the cat's meow? Hmm...think I'll have to go read PandP and Emma for myself to find out.

And just let me put in a plug here for another classic. As much as there are some great current authors and books that I just love, there is something about the way older authors write that just envelop you into the story. Our book for this month is Edith Wharton's Age of Innocence, another classic. Wharton was an American author and won a Pulitzer prize for this novel (the first woman to do so). It's set in New York at the end of the 1800's and is about the way various classes functioned in society at that time. By the end of the second page, this book had me hooked. And of course, it's also been done as a movie too. Think I'll stick with the book.

Graduations

 My blogging life has been fairly quiet as of late. I've had a few people ask recently if I've been taking classes again. Alas,  no, so that's not the reason for my lack of posts. Well, maybe not alas. My life seems to be full enough and my brain is mighty tired just from new things I'm learning at work so perhaps it's been a good reprieve.


However, this was a grad weekend and I went hunting through old pictures to find our offspring's celebrations (my apologies for the not-so-great photos but hopefully you get the gist):


Leanne graduated in 2008 from the University of BC. The ceremony was held at the Chan Centre (a beautiful venue) with much pomp and ceremony.

Leanne - BSc in Nursing

 Charlene graduated in 2010 from Carleton University in Ottawa. Her ceremony was held in the fieldhouse (a covered area for sports so they can play year round). Not as posh as the Chan Centre but still pretty nicely decked out.

Charlene - BHumanities

 Skip ahead one year to 2011 and Charlene had another graduation - this time in the beautiful auditorium at the University of Victoria.

Charlene - MA Literature

Commissioning of grads by faculty

 This weekend, we celebrated Brendan's grad, well, the first one. He'll get another one next year when he finishes his PYP (teaching practicum) but notice the marked difference in venues. 

The picture above is in the gym at Trinity Western University. The scene below is in the Langley Events Centre where hockey games normally take place. As far as venues go, not much to write home about. In terms of content...hands down winners. The first picture is at the Baccalaureate service held Friday night. Bacca what??? Well, it's kind of a final chapel service for grads and it was very moving. The night is capped with the faculty, in all their doctoral garb, surrounding the grads, extending their arms and praying for them as they go out into the marketplace of life. Goosebump inducing.

50th anniversary graduation ceremony

Brendan - BA General Studies

This is also TWU's 50th anniversary year so it was quite a milestone for this little Christian college that started with 17 students and kind of cool to have a child be part of that graduating class. But whether my kids graduated from a secular or a Christian institution, I've been very grateful for the education they've been able to pursue, for the professors who have had a profound impact in many instances, and for the things my kids have taught me along the way. My own studies may be on hold for the time being, but I continue to learn in other ways, and that's a very good thing!

A Good Practice Day

I've been reflecting recently on the notion that what we do in this world has an impact on the next world. It probably started with seeing C.S. Lewis' play The Great Divorce at Pacific Theatre about a year ago and then discussing the book at our book club. It's since grown through some of material I heard and have since read from the Apologetics Conference and now, John Stackhouse has a most excellent blog about this very thing.

He says it so much better than I could. Go and have a read here and may it inspire you to look at your life differently, especially in light of this Easter weekend.

New Messages

Pastor Wes said something at church this morning that caught my attention (not that this was unusual today, but you know, sometimes things just stick). Anyway, his comment was something like "few messages these days move us" (and whether he said it, or whether I assumed it, the rest of the sentence was) "to change anything".

And I thought of how true that was, yet how uninspiring that must be for those who use words to communicate. Think of the teachers, pastors, speakers, authors, musicians and perhaps, even, bloggers among us! I mean, really, why do any of us do what we do? Why do I keep writing on this blog? I've mentioned before that it's my way of thinking out loud and processing information but how much does it matter?

Well, perhaps it does and not necessarily for anyone reading this (although that in itself would be awesome) but it matters for me. I'm reminded of a couple of other messages I've heard that I think tie into this. J.P. Moreland prefaced his talk at the Apologetics Conference by saying that his message probably wouldn't change anything in the immediate for us. But I think what was assumed in that statement, or what I assumed, is not that it was worthless. But if we would spend time meditating on it, thinking it over, talking about it with others, that eventually, there would be a difference in how we would interact with non-believers.

And isn't the same true of meditating on Scriptures or even of worship songs? The more time you spend reflecting on something that resonates with you or the oftener you hear a similar message (sacred echoes), the greater the possibility that it will impact you down the road. Sometimes the idea needs to be planted, then watered before a harvest of different thinking or behaviour takes root. But we first need exposure to the new message.

When Rob & Marlene were here, they touched on this too, talking about "on the way" of doing life, when all of a sudden, we notice things and realize God has been at work. And Voila! Change has taken place. And isn't that exciting! (We need to hear more of each other's stories like this). Another phrase that's been repeated a few times at church recently too has been to "embrace the awkward". (Has that message transformed any of you? Have any of you taken Alicia up on her challenge of talking to someone you don't normally speak to on a Sunday morning? Hmm...) Sometimes learning is like that. Learning to incorporate something new isn't always easy. It's often awkward, sometimes embarrassing or exhausting.

Take snorkeling for instance. There is nothing comfortable about learning to snorkel, I discovered on a recent family vacation to Hawaii...

It's awkward, water gets up your nose, you have to learn to breathe without panicking and when you actually get to see some awesome fish, you can't freak out when they pass right in front of you!

Think of what you're missing if you don't want to try something new...

But part of learning something new and incorporating change is to anticipate that it doesn't always come easily. So what? Learn it anyway. Listen to the messages anyway, think about them, talk about them (or blog about them) with others.

And maybe teachers, pastors, and the like can be encouraged to keep on sharing their knowledge and insights with others because transformation is possible, maybe even likely somewhere down the road.

Blessings to all of you trying to transform something in your life. Go for it - and more importantly, tell someone about it. We need to hear your transforming stories.